<Hi nammer this is Mitch>

Be still my beating heart!

I read the message twice.  Oh my goodness, my nine year old grandson just texted me from his mom’s phone. (That phrase “texted me” still “sounds” funny when I say it out loud. I’ll get used to it I’m sure!)

I touched letters on my phone trying to compose a readable answer. My fingers refused to cooperate.  Why was I hurrying, making mistakes, backspace, backspace,….what should I say?

I’ve had unsuccessful, well, more like embarrassing, forays into the “texting” world in the past. One day a young employee of mine was late. I admonished him for not letting me know he wasn’t going to be on time. Sorrowful big brown eyes looked up at me, and he said, “But I did. I texted you.” Oh geez.

“Honey, I don’t text!  You’re gonna have to call me.”  I hated to admit I wasn’t savvy. I didn’t understand the latest technology. Now he knew….the truth….I didn’t even know how to retrieve a text from my phone, let alone send one.

Since then, I’ve learned a little and practiced a bit.

One, lingering, nagging problem begging for a solution, though, is, how do I remember to keep my phone with me every moment of the day?  That silly phone seems quite content to stay buried in the deep dark recesses of my purse where it never makes a peep.

And then, when I do think to retrieve it and set it out on the counter, I find myself walking by it several times a day, glancing sideways…checking it….just in case I have a text. BTW (that’s text message code for “by the way”….in case you didn’t know), I learned the “walk by and glance” trick observing expert texters!  You can learn a lot by watching people. Of course, some of what you see, you wouldn’t want to imitate.

Anyway…..

Now, once out in the open, the problem becomes, remembering to find the thing before I leave the house on an errand. My poor phone is like a neglected lover, habitually ignored!

I text back…….

<Hi Mitch. How are you? Did you have

basketball practice tonight.>

<Yes I had practice>

I’ve read articles warning grandparents if  “you want to stay in touch with grandchildren these days, you have to become tech-literate: texting, ichatting, and of course, you must have a Facebook page.”  Email is passé.

I assumed the article referred to junior high grandchildren, not fourth graders!

<Hi nammer Its hay. I love you>

And, certainly not first graders…..my seven year old granddaughter Hayley sent me a message! Oh joyous day! Instantly in touch with my grandchildren….even if it’s just a one-line text…. is pure pleasure, especially when we live three hours apart.

<Hi Hay. Grandpa and I love you too. What

    did you do today>

Impressed with my recent texting conversations, I underestimated the shock, the fear that gripped my heart, when my mind wandered off into the land of “curiosity,” and I anticipated the next wave of technology.

Oh no, could I possibly successfully negotiate more than Skype, iChat, FaceTime, texting, Facebook, Twitter….is tele-transport on the horizon?  Help…who’s gonna help me?

Are your parents or grandparents technologically challenged? How have you been able to help them?

I like these websites offering assistance:

http://www.teachparentstech.org/

(I sent myself a few of these helpful videos…. It’s really a clever format, I just wish they had a “large print” edition..LOL)

http://www.webopedia.com/quick_ref/textmessageabbreviations.asp

(Very helpful in translating text messages)

http://www.aarp.org/technology/social-media/

(This site has a section devoted to technology!)

It has been my tradition since I was in high school to list my goals and resolutions every January first.

During the next year, on occasion, I sneak a peek at The List. Pulling it from an obscure hiding place, tucked haphazardly in a drawer, incorporated with miscellaneous receipts, business cards, notes to self, and outdated coupons, I steal a glance at the numbered contents.

Yep.

Yep.

Still working on this….

Nope.

Yikes….what made me think this was something I wanted to do?

Oops, forgot about that one.

Should I revise this one?

Ha, ha…

Yep.

Yep.

I stuff The List back in the drawer and forget it, but in a few months I retrieve it again for another review.

At the end of the year, I fetch The List for the final assessment. With pen in hand, I judiciously, and joyfully cross off those goals and resolutions accomplished.

I study the unmarked enumerated intentions.

Sometimes I experience remorse. Regret. Wishing I’d had more resolve to complete a task or commit more fully to a resolution.

Sometimes I chuckle. I am amused at my own naïveté.

I evaluate whether to add the unfulfilled ones to The New List, or trash them.

And, on January first, early in the morning, I find a lovely piece of paper, a nice pen, pour myself a cup of tea, and sit down to meditate on the coming year and write out The List.

I have repeated this process for over fifty years.

However, on occasion, Once in a Blue Moon (meaning “rarely”)…..but enough times in my life to recognize it now….I experience a “paradigm shift” creeping, crawling into my mind.  Infiltrating my thinking when I am agitated or reflective.

Perhaps, because I am in the habit of striving and brawling like a thug to change my circumstances, I am not responsive to a knock upside the head, or a slap in the face.

Explosive revelation doesn’t seem to be part of my journey.  No burning bushes, or parting of the sea.

A “paradigm shift” disclosure that I am able to embrace has come like a caterpillar….in an unhurried, nonchalant but determined forward stride.

I realize, in time, but reluctantly, that I must admit my attitude and my thinking need to adjust to a reality I had previously been unwilling to identify as unchangeable.

 I was not raised to believe  “it is what it is.”  I was raised to believe that what “is” can be changed with prayer and hard work. And, while I wholeheartedly subscribe to this view, I have experienced circumstances that are NOT alterable:

The responsibility of caring for someone 24/7.

The death of an unborn baby.

The death of a son.

The theft of a trust.

The betrayal of a friend.

The ravishes of a disease.

Once I capitulate, once I surrender, once I yield to the understanding of “it is what it is” I am free to let go of the fight to change something outside my ability to alter.

2012 is a Once in a Blue Moon kind of year for me.

The List is ready.  I’ve written down my goals and resolutions, but on this New Years Day, I have no strategies, no plans, no ideas of how to accomplish what I want to do.

The List is ready to be superimposed on the “it is what it is” reality page.

I will have to adjust, tweak, and rearrange this overlay to accommodate pursuing my intentions on The List.

Of course, the process doesn’t happen in a day. It may take the first six months of a New Year…..but,  just as the caterpillar emerges from the cocoon a butterfly, I believe my adjusted reality will allow me to achieve my goals and resolutions.

Do you have a List of goals and resolutions for the New Year? Have you experienced a “paradigm shift” recently?

Wishing all of you a blessed, joyful, prosperous New Year!

Kathryn

http://tea4kate.com

An invitation to stay with someone is a great honor. Your host wants you to be happy, to be comfortable and to feel welcome. If you’ll be a house-guest during the holidays here are eight easy tips to ensure you’re host will be dreaming you’ll be back again next year!

1. Arrive with a gift. Know your host. Don’t bring wine, if they don’t drink. Purchase something neutral like a tin of gourmet flavored popcorn, a holiday-scented candle or if you know they’re avid golfers, a box of top-notch golf balls. If you’re staying more than two nights, plan to treat them to a nice dinner at their favorite restaurant.

2. Lend a hand. Help in the kitchen. Volunteer to walk the dog. (Don’t forget the “doggie doo-doo baggies”….don’t want to make enemies in the neighborhood!)

Wash any dishes you’ve used or put them in the dishwasher.  Keep common areas  (like the bathroom) neat and tidy.

3. Be considerate of their work schedule. It may not be their vacation time. Although they are happy to have you stay, remember not to keep them up too late, and don’t expect them to take time off to be your tour guide or babysitter.

4. Ask about house rules: “Do you put your knifes in the dishwasher?”  And don’t just show up with your pet.  Ask first!  That even includes checking with family members if it’s convenient to bring an animal to their home. Sometimes it’s just not a good time to have Rover at a family gathering.

5. If you’re on a special diet, bring the groceries you need. It’s always good manners to supply a few snacks or something special you’ve baked.  (You know you’re from the South if you stop at a fruit stand and buy a “lug” of peaches or tomatoes to divvy up!)  If you have a preference for soaps and toiletries, pack them.

6. If you have babies or children…..please don’t take a “vacation”  from parenting. Get up with them in the mornings! Entertain them and keep them as quiet as possible until everyone else in the house wakes up.  Don’t expect the “older” children or your host to “babysit” them. Grandparents might be an exception, but ask, be sure to clarify expectations.  Keep an eye on your children and help them understand the “house rules.”

7. When departing, straighten the bedroom and bathroom.  Ask if your host would like you to strip the bed. If so, leave the sheets in a pile or take them to the laundry room. Any towels or washcloths you used should be included in the pile or in the laundry room.

8.  Send a handwritten thank you note once you are home. People often underestimate what a host goes through to have guests for a few days or longer. It takes a lot of time, money and energy, even if it is a joyous experience!  Express your gratitude with a note!

May your Christmas and New Year be full of joy!

Kathryn

http://tea4kate.com

I do admit to a few extravagant years….but considering the economy and this season of our life, I’m more and more inclined to resurrect my “back to basics,”  and “frugal is fun,” thinking.

I’ve been juicing for awhile. We love the freshness, the healthy ingredients and the unexpected pleasure of varied combinations of fruits and vegetables. ( And although it’s not fancy, this Jack LaLanne juicer is great! http://www.powerjuicer.com/  )

But….it’s always difficult for me to throw away the  pulp.

We don’t have chickens anymore.  We aren’t growing an urban garden. Although, we probably should. I don’t have a compost pile.

A couple of friends and I have tossed around a few ideas on how to use the leftover pulp…muffins, breads, filling for tarts, layering for cookie bars.

This morning I juiced apples, oranges, one lemon, a cucumber, and a few carrots. Delicious and refreshing. Invigorated by the wafting aroma, I resisted no longer and gathered everything to stir up a batch of muffins.

My new favorite recipe, Buttermilk Pumpkin Muffins, ( http://tea4kate.com/wp/2011/10/06/mini-buttermilk-pumpkin-muffins-a-fall-tea-party-favorite/ ) adapts easily, substituting the pulp for the pumpkin.

It worked! These “pulp” muffins are full of flavor, hearty and perfect with tea!

And I feel a little better being able to use some of those fresh ingredients.

Now, I wonder what to do with the pulp from our afternoon broccoli, beet, carrot and cucumber juice? Bread? Stock for a soup or sauce? Hmmmm…..

Happy juicing, happy infusions!

Kate

Planning a fall tea party? A Book Club gathering? Or maybe you want to be ready when a friend drops by to share a cup of tea. These delicious mini muffins are full of healthy ingredients…. pumpkin, raisins and pecans. I found this recipe in my wonderful “old” Bishop’s Pumpkin Farm Cookbook (http://www.bishopspumpkinfarm.com/index.htm).

Happy Infusions and enjoy!

Mini Buttermilk Pumpkin Muffins

Ingredients

• 1/2 c oil
• 1 c sugar
• 2 large eggs
• 1 c pumpkin, mashed
• 1/3-1/2 c buttermilk
• 2 cs flour
• 1 t soda
• 1 t cinnamon
• 1/2 t allspice
• 1/2 c raisins, pecans or walnuts

Directions

Beat together oil and sugar. Add eggs and pumpkin: mix well. Stir in buttermilk. Combine dry ingredients and mix into batter, just until all flour is moistened. Stir in raisins and nuts. Bake at 350 degrees for 20 minutes. Makes 16-18 regular sized muffins.

Q. It’s summer time….so how can you tell if a Redding-nite has no friends?

A. She’s in the store buying zucchini.

Tee hee.

Really, though, it’s not a laughing matter  if your neighbors and  friends are gardeners and their zucchini seeds have properly propagated. You’ll notice. You’ll observe  ”The Desperate” ones, lurking about, smiling and ready, like a quarterback, for the hand-off. But it’s not a football they want you to snag.  They’ll be trying to hand you a bag…full of oblong green veggies…. those ever-loving, prolific little bombs known as Zucchini.

Yes. They will come. Knocking at your door, toting a large brown bag overflowing with long green logs…begging you to take “just a few.”  You like your neighbor. You think, ” Well, I could use a few.”

But then your friend, who loving tilled a backyard patch of dirt and planted a small garden, greets you. A  bulging recycled plastic grocery bag hung over his arm, shades of green peeking out, he suggest your family  has to try “just a few” of these healthy squashes he managed to produce.

And your cousin decides to bless you with “just a few”  garden fresh zucchini.

A little clarification here:  The words “just a few”  can’t be used in the same sentence with zucchini. That would be an oxymoron.

The first year we planted a garden at the ranch, I labeled myself  an authority on the “How To” of successful small crop management. After all, I pointed out to our family and visitors, look at those zucchini plants. There was not one, but four hills of maturing zucchini vines, weaving their way towards the garden gate, encroaching on the carrots, corn and tomatoes, heading south into the cattle pasture. I was thrilled. Inflated with pride, I bragged  about our good fortune and discussed the benefits of “hilling” vs “rows” in zucchini raising. They listened. They nodded. They smiled, indulgently. (That was Not a smirk…there were no smug smiles, I’m positive).

No one shouted, “What the heck? Four hills of zucchini? Are you nuts! Are you trying to feed the entire Chinese Army?”    ( Oh no…that was me…months later….screeching at the cows, grabbing zucchini from an overloaded wheelbarrow, tossing them over the garden fence, trying to entice those bovines into eating the big beautiful green zombies).

In our small rural town we leave our vehicles unlocked while grocery shopping, picking up mail at the Post Office or standing around gossiping. But, in the summer time, we watch for “The Desperate.”  ”The Desperate” are not difficult to identify…they’re the ones skulking in the shadows, dodging in and around parked cars, with their loaded brown bags, attempting to share their harvest when they locate an unlocked vehicle. If you are spotted casting about, like a zucchini Good Samaritan, friends and neighbors have been known to lock their car doors.

So, after you’ve given away all you can, taken boxes to the homeless shelter, and sold bags and bags at the local farmer’s market, what then?  Well, you ask friends, rummage through cookbooks and surf the net for zillions of new recipes. And you make and bake and freeze anything and everything you can dream up that could possibly include zucchini: chili, soup, spaghetti sauce, quiche, marmalade, pizza sauce, bread, muffins and cakes.

One of my favorite  recipes is  Chocolate Oh Chocolate Zucchini Cake. It’s quick, easy and freezes beautifully. If you are one of the lucky ones, with an over-abundant zucchini plant, or you have a friend who gardens, or if you’ve purchased this incredible versatile vegetable, you’ll enjoy this delicious sweet zucchini treat.

Ingredients

• 2 cs sugar
• 3/4 c butter
• 3 large eggs
• 1 t vanilla
• 1 t baking soda dissolved in..
• 1/2 c buttermilk
• 2 1/2 cs flour
• 1/2 c cocoa
• 1/2 t salt, baking powder, cinnamon
• 2 cs grated zucchini
• 2 cs semi-sweet chocolate pieces Hold one cup in reserve.
• 1 c chopped pecans (optional)

Directions

Cream sugar, butter, eggs and vanilla.

Dissolve baking soda in buttermilk and add to the creamed mixture.

Blend dry ingredients together and stir into creamed mix.

Fold in the zucchini and chocolate pieces and nuts.

Pour batter into a 9X13 greased and floured pan. Top with remaining chocolate pieces.
Bake at 350 degrees for 40-45 minutes.
Cool.
Dust with powdered sugar.
Serve with ice cream if desired.

Last week my father had to be hospitalized. His condition required more than an overnight stay. I am thankful for hospitals and the staff who work tirelessly providing quality care.

Yet, hospitals aren’t usually happy places. Of course, it’s a different story if the visit is to welcome a new baby. But most of us will eventually find ourselves traipsing through those sterile corridors to visit a family member or a friend coping with stressful circumstances. And while our focus will be on the well being of our loved one, practicing a few common courtesies can ensure the experience is a bit less upsetting.

H-—Honor the visiting hours designated by the hospital. Call to make sure the patient is up to having visitors and don’t be offended if the answer is no. Try again the next day. And honor the hospital staff. They are providing care for patients facing trauma, pain, and distress. Whether making a bed, emptying the trash or taking a pulse, a simple smile and a thank you are very much appreciated.

O-–Offer to help the patient. Sometimes a patient may need a pet fed or plants watered. Or offer to drive the patient’s spouse, especially if they are elderly. My brother drove my mother to visit our father, and it was so helpful. She could be dropped off at the hospital entrance and didn’t have to walk, in the heat, through the vast parking lot.

S—Short visits. Keep your social call brief. Watch the patient for signs of fatigue…be sensitive about leaving, even if the person asks you to stay. Promise to come the next day. Also, be careful about wearing perfume when you visit. A strong scent can be nauseating to the patient.

P-–Pleasant, be cheerful. Keep the conversation pleasant and upbeat. Don’t tell horror stories about Uncle Wilbur who had the same thing and ended up with a staph infection from his hospital stay. Don’t make comments about terrible hospital food. Negative talk is hard for a patient already dealing with the anxiety of being hospitalized. Light and uplifting conversation makes you a welcome visitor.

I-—If you must use your cell phone….leave the patient’s room, and do not stand around in the hallway making phone calls. Most hospitals have rules posted about cell phone use. Be respectful of other patients and staff regarding cell phones.

T—-Touch the patient only if it’s okay. Find out first. Be careful about physical contact. Holding a hand is almost always comforting. Also, don’t sit on the patient’s bed or ask the staff to bring you a chair. Stand if there is not a vacant seat, after all, you’re only there for a short visit.

A-—Ask a family member or the nursing staff before taking a gift. Some patients may have allergies to plants or flowers. Latex balloons fall into the same category. Food is usually not a good idea, especially if the patient is on a restricted diet. Alternative gifts might include magazines, books or a gift card to a favorite coffee shop.

L—-Leave the room when a nurse or doctor comes in. Respect the patient’s privacy. However, if the patient is a relative, it might be helpful to have a designated family member also “hear” what is being said. Often a patient is under duress and can’t process information or recall what was discussed. I remember a very traumatic hospital visit. The doctor kindly spoke to our entire family group. It was so helpful; we could compare notes, remind one another about forgotten details, and be encouraged.

Hopefully, remembering these few common courtesies will make an unpleasant situation bearable.

May all your days be tea-lightful,
Kate

Alfresco Etiquette Refresher

Have you been invited to a pool party or barbecue? Going on a picnic? Heading for the lake as a guest on a boat? Grab that tote, throw in the sunscreen, mosquito repellent, hand sanitizer/ wipe-ups, towels, and you’re ready to roll.

Wait…wait…wait…don’t forget your manners. Just because you’ll be alfresco doesn’t mean you need to be etiquette-less.

A few reminders:

Ask what you can bring. The host of a picnic or barbecue might have a specific theme or menu in mind. If you’re hosting, be sure to have suggestions ready. A dear friend of ours said, “Please just tell me what to bring. I’m willing to make anything, if someone will give me an idea. I hate having to think up something.”

Of course, it helps to know your peeps…some like to surprise everyone with the latest gourmet dip. (See the fresh corn salsa my daughter made for our last pool party.)

Bring your food ready to serve…unless it’s absolutely necessary to prepare it right before serving. Don’t impose on your hostess the need for space and tools. Some kitchens are small and it’s hard to move around or find implements with the “hang out” and visit crowd hovering about. (Think kitchen galley on a boat) It’s also nice to bring the serving utensils necessary for your particular dish…a big spoon or salad tongs. Others might have forgotten and the hostess may not have enough extras for everyone.

Hint: Label your utensils and dishes in case you forget them when you leave. Your host can easily identify the owner. I once discovered a casserole dish…two years later…that I had left at a 4-H potluck. If I’d labeled it, someone could have contacted me.

Be generous; bring enough for your family and more… to share. A family of five arriving with a solitary bag of chips looks suspiciously like “mooching.”

If you have special dietary needs, bring what you need, don’t expect others to know. And make enough for others to sample. My mother, in her octogenarian years, has become a vegetarian. Fortunately, she isn’t finicky and there’s an abundance of whatever she’s cooked up.

Ask if you can come a little early to help set up or offer to stay and help clean up. Extra hands make the workload lighter. I especially love hosting an event when I know my grown children will be there. They read my mind and are experts at sensing what needs to be done. Could be because we spent so many years working together on the ranch…you have to anticipate what comes next…not a lot of time for explanations and verbal communication when there’s a herd of cows needing immediate attention.

Be mindful of how much you pile on your plate…there is someone in line behind you . You can always go back for seconds.

And for goodness sake…NO double dipping! Put that dip on your plate and scoop from there. Help your children learn to practice the NO double dipping rule.

For water events…Bring your own towels. Your host probably has a few extras, but maybe not enough for everyone.

If the event isn’t at home or in a designated picnic area, please bring trash bags…and clean up your area.

Of course, in public settings or at a friend’s home…please…

1. Limit your alcohol consumption.

2. Keep from imposing your music on neighboring outdoor enthusiasts.

3. Refrain from using foul language.

4. Be sure to thank your host before leaving. A handwritten thank you note after the event is much appreciated.

Here is the link to the recipe for The Pioneer Woman’s Fresh Corn Salsa I mentioned above…this is easy to adapt according to your taste.

Getting the corn ready is a family affair at our ranch…..

Happy outdoor living!

Kate

And if your mind isn’t reeling with the Do’s and Do Nots……

Check out this video clip for some hints I didn’t mention:

Minding your manners: Outdoor etiquette: MyFoxBOSTON.com

If… the authorities on social graces, Emily Post and Miss Manners (Judith Martin) define manners and etiquette as:

… “a sensitive awareness of the feelings of others. If you have that awareness, you have good manners, no matter which fork you use.”

…”etiquette is a little social contract we make that we will restrain some of our more provocative impulses in return for living more or less harmoniously in a community.”

Then I wonder… if we are in the midst of an epidemic of rude behavior? Is there an increase in appalling behavior? Is it more prevalent in certain areas, like big cities, where accountability is improbable? How widespread is this affliction?

Are we, as a society, poised on the precipice awaiting an imminent descent into a boorish abyss? Or have we have already plummeted over the edge, headfirst, into the mire of a Rude Behavior Crater?

Reflecting on some of my experiences and those of close friends, coupled with evidence posted on blogs and in articles, it appears common courtesy is in rapid decline and perhaps, even out of style. Maybe those of us who would love to eradicate this manners deficit epidemic should create a “Social Graces Secret Society” and continue to practice the “rituals” of gracious living. Would we have a chance of overcoming inconsiderate behavior?

Classic examples I have encountered, sometimes on a daily basis:

• On the road: The guy/gal who isn’t satisfied to go the speed limit and tries to hurry you along by tailgating. Someone zipping in and out of lanes without signaling, charging ahead like they’re trying to out run a raging fire. And the ongoing battle of who “owns the road” between cyclist and motorist. I notice this most in cities like Portland.

• In parking lots: Why do people leave shopping carts in parking spaces? After all, the store spent extra money building special stalls for those little buggies. And why do big trucks and “fancy” cars think it is their right to take up two spaces for parking? Meandering down the middle of the parking lot, pushing your cart and chatting with your friend or on your phone, unconcerned that I am following you, desperately trying to find a parking space before noon, makes me want to say something unkind to you!

• In restaurants: How do you handle sloppy, disinterested service? I understand someone having a bad day, or if the place is slammed, but when you have to ask three times for a water refill, that’s carelessness. Sarcastic complaining customers and ill-mannered children with underachieving parents can ruin a dining experience.

• On cell phones: The lack of cell phone etiquette is one of my personal pet peeves. I am annoyed by loud inane conversations shared with everyone in restaurants, retail and grocery stores, lines at the bank or post office, movie theatres and coffee shops. I don’t care if your boyfriend/girlfriend is being a jerk, how drunk you got at last Friday’s party or whether or not you were invited to the wine tasting. And please, at least pause your conversation long enough to pay for your meal, or your merchandise! Believe it or not, you are not that adept at multi-tasking. Texting or constantly glancing at your cell phone to see if you have a message while I am talking with you is unbelievably rude.

• In conversation with strangers or acquaintances: Unsolicited questions from strangers, acquaintances and even from family members such as, “Are you pregnant?” “How much did you pay for that?” and “Has he met his real parents?” cross my privacy boundaries. I am not a celebrity or a politician and I am not obliged to share my personal life with you.

Identifying declining courtesy issues is easier than determining how to respond to rude behavior and how to restore common politeness, respect and good manners. I believe it must start with us, in our homes and with our families.

What do you think? Do you believe we are in the depths of a rudeness epidemic? Does it matter? And if adjustments need to be made, what do you think should be done? You can’t legislate good manners.

The Advice Goddess, Amy Alkon , shares her perspective on Beating Some Manners into Impolite Society…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vvdmeU1pWxc

Tis the season to celebrate graduation-a milestone in life’s journey- and that means ceremonies, parties and gift giving. If navigating the “do’s and don’ts and the wish I knew what to do” has you feeling like you’re wading through the alligator infested Okefenokee Etiquette Swamp, these four tips will help you.

1. Who gets an announcement and who gets an invitation to the ceremony?

A student usually gets a limited number of tickets for seats at the actual graduation ceremony. These invitations should be reserved for immediate family, including grandparents and should be sent out at least three to four weeks prior to the event, and for out of town relatives, six weeks. A more formal, printed announcement can be sent two weeks ahead of or after the event to extended family and friends. Some graduates design and create their own informal announcements. Although tempting to resort to a mass email, it is respectful to send printed announcements for such a momentous occasion.

2. Do I send a gift to everyone who sends me an announcement?

It is appropriate to give a gift, but not necessarily required. Most important is acknowledging the graduate’s accomplishment in some way, at least a congratulations card and note. A graduate always appreciates gifts, and many people automatically think of giving money. Your understanding of the family’s traditions and your relationship to the graduate will help you choose a meaningful present.

3. Graduation Parties: Invitations and RSVP’s.

A graduate’s family most often plans a party to celebrate this milestone. Invitations should be sent at least three weeks prior to the date of the party. Even if it is as casual as a drop by for an “Open House Celebration,” please, please, if you are invited to a party, RSVP as soon as possible. Some invitations may designate “Regrets only”. The hostess will be less stressed if the number of guests can be calculated. A note to the graduate: Please spend a little time with relatives or friends who have traveled from out of town to attend your celebration.

4. Thank You Notes: Absolutely!

A handwritten thank you note needs to be sent for each gift received. It doesn’t have to be long, but should acknowledge the gift and appreciation. Notes should be sent as promptly as possible. A generic- ” Thank you for the graduation gift”- borders on tacky. A thank you sent by email or text message are not considered appropriate.

Here is a helpful, delightful interview on graduation etiquette:

Graduation etiquette: Minding your manners: MyFoxBOSTON.com

Happy Graduation and Congratulations to all the graduates and your families! May your next journey in life be blessed with abundant joy!

Kathryn Barker

http://tea4kate.com